Lidocaine Burns.

Inside the abscess of the wounds I care for so meticulously
because they are my own.
Injection deeper this time as I take the razor
and wait.

Wait for the toxin to override my reflex to stop.

Voluntary impairment.
I need this.
It makes me strong, invincible.
If only for a moment.
The hero in my own mind.

Digging in, no pain. Only crimson lines staining my
skin. Perfecting the illusion I need to remain strong.

Each scar reflects a battle, even if the war was declared
by my own actions, my own words, they are mine
Battle wounds I perfected, scarring so viciously
Every downfall I drown poetically as a weakness, one of many faults
I chalk up to a harmless vice

No cautionary tales of violence
I breathe and my fate dismembers the dreams created
when I was alone

Tossing the syringe with little regret
One last dedication to the one I love
How deep can I go this time
before I have some minor reflection of the word regret
It is a dare, a game I admit.

How numb shall I become before I find that life gives more
If you want to shine

Deeper still the stainless steel wagers
I feel nothing, only a spectator watching my lifeline run

When I am numb I find my strength but it is not my own.